cake, part one: a history

Let's talk about cake.
of course this cake is from Martha Stewart.

This is going to take awhile because I don't know if we've ever touched on cake and the Hallowedding. Which is weird, because dudes, do brides ever love cake. Why shouldn't we? They're so pretty. And big. And you get to find a pretty cake topper. And sometimes, inside this pretty, big thing, under the cake topper, there might actually be cake!
Unlike most of those "little details" that brides slave over and then nobody will ever notice ("oh, were all the straws at your bar in your wedding colors?...okay") everybody WILL look at the cake. Because it sits out at the reception all through dinner, then everyone gathers around and watches you cut it, and then they eat it. They have to notice the damn thing. So a lot of thought goes into most wedding cakes.
Here is the thought that went into my wedding cake: I HATE FONDANT.
source
For those of you not knee deep in the wedding industry, or not all that schooled in cake, fondant is a frosting paste that goes over the cake to give it that smooth surface, as pictured above. You can also use fondant to make beautiful lace, or pretty flowers, or wacky shapes. It is a staple to fancy pantsy cakes...and it tastes terrible. I have heard stories of marshmalllow fondant existing and not being the worst stuff ever, but it just...it bothers me. So no fondant. No fancy cake. Just cake, please, with frosting I can eat.

I think there's just something really pretty about plain frosting. So simple and pure and imperfect. Maybe it's because I bake, and plain frosting makes a cake look more hand made. Maybe it's because inside of me there's a fat kid who just really loves frosting. Who knows.

But aside from fondant, there is just all this shit you have to consider. Because if you have a cake, you have to cut it, and then sometimes there are cutting fees. You can also opt to have the big round pretty cake and then have super secret sheet cakes in the back. How many flavors of cake do you want? How many fillings? Do you want those little roses? What kind of frosting, if you're not using fondant, and are you suuuuuuure you don't want fondant because it's really, really pretty.

Thank God for cupcakes.
Look at 'em. There aren't any fancy flowers or marshmallow paste. There's just frosting, and that frosting is beautiful. With cupcakes, there is no cutting, no forks, plates aren't even all that necessary. They also fit in a lot better with the whole sandwich/soup vibe. Also, you can still have the beautiful set up that you have with a real cake, thanks to the handy invention of the cupcake stand
A DIY'd version from this blog.
So it was pretty much a no brainer: cupcakes for ever, cupcakes for days. So we went out in search of a baker to make us a couple hundred cupcakes.

And that, friends, is when the fondant hit the fan.

Coming soon, part 2: WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY FUCKING CUPCAKES?