This post is FULL of profanity. I apologize.
I know I've been absent. Ironically enough, if you are actually doing wedding stuff, or your wedding is rapidly approaching (fifty seven days....shit) then you don't have time to blog about your wedding, what you've been planning, or how it's rapidly approaching.
But you all keep me accountable so...let's blog this thing.
First of all, I had a second Hastings super wedding weekend. This weekend was significantly less fun than the last weekend, mostly because people either reminded me at how far behind I am at this wedding thing (thanks) or made the wedding planning harder in various ways (again, appreciated) but I'm not going to let this get me down. I am a wedding planning machine, motherfuckers. You do not want to mess with this engaged lady. I have shit I need to do.
That is another reason why it took me so long to post.
But I digress. Obvs.
I had a dress fitting. Yay! I can't post pictures on here because I want to keep that at least SLIGHTLY under wraps, at least from Greg, but I can show you my face when I first put my dress on:
That is a look of joy and a deep love for pretty things that now belong to me.
Once I got over the initial giddiness of being in my Wedding Dress, I saw myself in the big mirror and it was...interesting. I love my dress, still. I just had one of those little diva moments when I looked at myself in a dress that was actually mine and freaked out a little when it didn't look like the dress I had tried on before...probably because this one was probably three sizes bigger. I needed a bigger dress because I am a big girl on top (not just big busted, but big waisted and big ribbed) but I'm pretty small in the hip area, so what had previously looked like a modified mermaid now looked like a big off-white tube and I was. Not. Happy. However once they got me all pinned up I was happily back into mermaid territory and that crisis was averted.
That crisis. Then we go to my hair piece. Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.
See those under eye circles? Those weren't there before they put that thing on my head. But it is very pretty, I will give you that.
So let's just break it down for a moment: I am with the design camp that is currently very popular that loves little birds and branches and leaves and deer and etc etc etc. So when we first went to the shop, in May, and I saw a pretty little headband that looked like the branch of a very sparkly tree that wrapped around the head, I thought "ooooooh pretty."
My sister also thought "ooooooh pretty" and I tried it on. We decided to order it as well when we ordered my dress. And then we drove away.
And the moment we drove away from the store I thought...do I want that headband, really?
And then I fretted over the damn thing for like four months.
First of all, they didn't let me take a picture of it, or give me the item number, so I was going strictly from memory about how the thing actually looked, which made trying to find co-ordinating jewelry a bitch. It was also gold, which made silver jewelry pretty much a no go. And it's very sparkly, which could lead to overkill of bling. It also eliminated the addition of feathers to my hair for the reception, which I had been toying around with and had really liked the idea. Also I worried about my hair, and how it would affect that.
'So I will say I was a little apprehensive. I thought that once I saw it and could try it on again things would get better. They didn't.
Look how happy I am. Oh no wait...this is my "flipping out on the inside" face. There were some issues with the headband.
First of all they didn't order me a head piece, they pulled it off the shelf. I am fine with sample items, but this one had been a-bused and was showing the wear and tear, and they had charged us full price. Some of the leaves and sparklies were hanging on by strings of hot glue. So that made me less than happy. Secondly, whenever it touched my hair it became instantly tangled, which would make it impossible to adjust any part of my hair style on the wedding day.
Finally I just didn't like the way it made me look. I couldn't make myself like it.
But I didn't let on that it wasn't working, because that's just not my style. I didn't want to disappoint my mom and sister, who had helped me pick it out. I didn't want the very nice ladies at the Bridal Isle to think I was being a diva bitch. I didn't want to put anyone out. Usually at this point I swallow my misgivings and just take one for the team.
Then I looked at myself in the mirror and thought "But it's MY WEDDING."
And that kicked it. I took the headband off. I found myself a big pair of earrings and I put them on and I said, this is what looks good on me. Big ass earrings. And everyone agreed. Even the lady who was supposed to sell me the hundred dollar headband.
But of course I'm still a pussy, so I was going to take the headband anyway, but my AMAZING SISTER earned her Mrs OH status in about five minutes by forcing me to speak up and getting them to give us a refund. I love that bitch sometimes.
So I guess the moral of this story is, in a world where the word "bridezilla" is thrown around a lot, sometimes you have to say "It's my special day, motherfucker! And I'm gonna do what I want!" As long as you say that part quietly to yourself. Outloud you say, "Excuse me? I don't think this is going to work out" and just say "motherfucker" with your eyes. It'll get you far, and it'll save you a hundred bucks.
SOooooo, any suggestions for huge ass earrings? My ears are now available.