i hate myself for loving you

Before I go into another enormous dress-buying post, look what I saw on weddingbee:
I. Need. This. Bag. Why are you so expensive, bag? Why? You're so perfectly autumnal, you are in my colors, you even have the little feather froo-froos that are going to be in my bouquet!

I could make this, surely. Right? That's just what I need...another DIY for something completely pointless and expensive. I AM A BRIDE AFTER ALL.

THE DRESS, Part 1: The Dresses That Weren't

Note: I acknowledge that some people do not give half a damn about the experience of buying the dress and they just want to see PICTURES of the damn thing. So I'm going to post the whole story in a post or two and pictures above and you can look at one, both, or neither, depending on you cynicism and hatred of love and all things pretty. And how much I may have already told you to your face.

Okay, so the overly long story:

I realize that I never actually mentioned how our first wedding weekend went, all the way back in January, when my mom and sister came up and we went to a bunch of dress shops and a bridal fair.
I won't waste your time with the bridal fair...I wish I hadn't wasted my time with the fair either. All I got out of it were some tuxedo possibilities, the consideration of chair covers, and a bunch of unnecessary emails to my wedding email address.
But we did do dress shopping. Ohhh, did we do dress shopping.
I had gone shopping before, very early in the wedding process, but that experience had sucked, frankly, do to poor customer service/lack of my own enthusiasm. This time would be different, I decided, because we would really TRY to find something. And I thought we WOULD find something.
That weekend.
I was sure of it.
This was January, I'd like to point out. Four months ago.
Ashley (the Miss-0-H) was going to come but then she had to work, so just the Jackson girls (the Ma-o-B and the Mrs-o-H) set off on the magical fairy princess dress adventure. First, we went to Bridal Traditions on Pacific St. It took us a while to find it because it was in a strip mall, and we drove by it a couple of times until my mom finally noticed that it said "tuxedo rentals" on the side. The ladies at Bridal Traditions were very, very nice. My only beef would maybe be that they don't make appointments, so I think I waited half an hour for a fitting room. But that just gave us more time to sort through dresses.
Most of the dresses I tried on at Bridal Traditions were posted here, with the intention that I would talk about them later...which I am. It's just been months and months and nobody cares anymore.



The first dress we tried on was supposed to be a joke dress. We'd pulled it off one of the dummies because my sister said it'd be neat to see me in a mermaid dress. According to my body type, most bridal magazines and websites said I should be in a mermaid dress, but I'm not a wee person and I can be pretty self conscious. But I thought it'd be fun to see. We weren't going to actually consider it because it was over three times what I wanted to spend.
Here's a tip...don't try on really expensive dresses because they tend to be really, really pretty. Turns out those bridal magazines know their shit. I do look really good in mermaids.




Although that dress (which my family thereafter referred to as The Expensive Dress) looked REALLY good, I didn't get any strong feelings off of it other than "PRETTY" and "SOFT" and "THIS LACE MUST COST A FORTUNE PER YARD." I didn't think "MINE." And that's the feeling I wanted off my dress. Especially if it will cost me the down payment of a new car.

(However, as the months passed and I realized that I had to order a dress pretty much right away, I started reconsidering a lot of things, like the fact that maybe that feeling doesn't exist, or maybe it just doesn't exist for me. So I reconsidered at this dress, also from Bridal Traditions, which wasn't a big contender when I tried it on, but made me look really pretty in pictures. And I'm super vain like that.)


I would like to say that, except for the wait, the whole Bridal Traditions experience was VERY positive. They learned my name, they seemed to give honest advice about the dresses. Their dressing rooms were enormous and they let my mom and sister in to help me (and then my family could deal with the Worst Strapless Bra Ever). It really was a beautiful experience. I really appreciated that that was the first place I went dress shopping with my mom and sister, because it was very classy, comfortable, and nice. It made me feel a lot like a bride.

AND THEN WE WENT TO DAVID'S BRIDAL.

My mother HATED David's Bridal, and I've got to say, my experience there wasn't super positive. Now, I'm not a snob. I know a lot of beautiful dresses that have come out of David's Bridal, I have seen brides rocking the DB and looking like fairy princesses. It's not about the dresses. It's the experience. Maybe I went on a bad night, but we were given no help finding dresses (luckily I know my own size), the girl who was supposed to be helping me ignored most of my questions and didn't understand basic dress terminology, the lighting was terrible and unflattering and the dressing rooms are smaller than ones I've been in department stores. There was no room for people to come in and help me, luckily I was only trying on shorties and mermaids at this point because if I'd brought in a big poofy dress there would not have been room for me. My mom calls it the Dress Warehouse. I think it still gives her nightmares.

But, I do have to hand it to them, they had a lot of short dresses, which is what I really wanted.Had we not had Wedding Weekend II: Planning Extreme, and I hadn't shopped for other dresses, I probably would've gone with the above dress, without the jacket. It was simple, made me look cute, and if I wanted to wear it with a cardigan (which I so would have) and added an orange petticoat for the reception, it wouldn't have minded. It was easy like a Sunday morning.

Here are some other DB picks...I apologize for the incredibly ugly pictures...we had no digital camera with us at the time, and my scanner is broken, so I'm taking pictures of pictures. Eww. Maybe when all is fixed and done I'll do a big montage board of all the dresses I tried on.Cute, but too "spring." I, however, look really adorable.


Lacey. I like lace. A lot. But I hated their jacket with it and I couldn't figure out what else I would wear with it.

A DB mermaid (this was a favorite of some). I thought it was pretty but not me AT ALL. Also, the fabric was weird and scratchy.

We left DB with the style number of the short dress with ribbon detailing. The price was right, I could see myself wearing it, I knew how to update it to make it more "me." But I hadn't had that feeling, you know? The one everyone tells you about the moment you say you're going dress shopping. "Oh, you'll just put it on and you'll know. You'll have THE feeling." THE feeling for THE dress. They always say THE dress. Like it's a bigger deal than the fiancee, almost.
Well, I still hadn't had THE feeling.

We had only one place left to go that first weekend, The Bridal Gallery. The BG is right by my house and they have a stop light right in front, so I stop in front of it on the way to work pretty much every day and I leer at the pretty dresses in the window. The people at BG are also very nice, and the experience is very good. I know a lot of people who got their dresses there, as well, and they looked phenomenal. Got to say, though, that they have less selection than the other places I went to.
This was our third dress shop, so we kind of knew the routine. We wanted short, if they had it (they didn't), we liked lace, and suddenly, over the course of like, a day, we were obsessed with mermaids.

This mermaid was very similar to the Very Expensive Dress, and was slightly cheaper. My mom said if we went with mermaid, we should go with this one.I don't remember being this enthused about that dress, but I look pretty damn excited, don't I?

This dress was VERY pretty. (and look at the mock-antiqueness of the pictures. That's unintentionally very cool looking) My mom and sister said this dress might be It. I know, the front doesn't look like much, but oh, friends, the back...
I have a hundred pictures of the back of this dress. I love the buttons. I love the lace. Don't love the fact that on this day I forgot the strapless bra and went with a dark green number. It kind of ruins the feeling. But trust me, it was gorgeous.
Again, a very pretty dress that I felt nothing about except "it's pretty." My mom wrote down the numbers of some dresses, in case we wanted to order them later, and wedding weekend ended, not with a bang but with a "Now what?" We were tired, discouraged, I had a nasty case of bead burn (sequins hurt, yo) and we didn't have a dress.
I tried. I had tried on a lot of dresses, all styles and prices, and nothing felt like it was mine. I wondered if I was too practical to have The Feeling for The Dress, and maybe I should just settle on whatever was cheapest, or looked the nicest. Lucky for me, I didn't settle. The Knot kept sending me emails informing me that I should be on my second fitting by now, and I told the knot to eat me. I ordered a dress disaster off ebay, I considered everything I saw in department stores that was under $200 that was white. I developed a white taffeta ulcer. But I waited...or procrastinated...and I found something that was pretty AND cheap, and gave me all those warm fuzzy feelings. Wanna see it?
Well, too bad. I'm gonna go eat lunch. BE PATIENT.

ebay dress: failed

So much to cover, but let's start with something I'm sure you've been wondering about: the ebay dress.
I could've blogged about the dress a long time ago...but it was a big ol' disappointment, and hallowedding is about happy things! Pretty things! And well, on me, that dress is neither.It just had no oomph, you know? I put it on and made that exact face, that "Ehhhhhhhhhh, no" face. (Recreated for your viewing pleasure! Notice the new haircut!) Not super flattering or super comfortable. Also, although I was thrilled to ORDER a vintage dress, I remembered when I put it on that "vintage" usually also means "delicate."
I think if someone wore this dress they would have to be very gentle and careful. On a daily basis I am rarely either of those things. And at my wedding, pssssssh, forget about it. The last thing I want on the most stressful...erm, I mean, wonderful day of my life is for my zipper to split when I'm shaking my money maker to Paradise by the Dashboard Light.
So I've decided when I have a moment to myself I will resell it on ebay or something. The disappointment of this dress--which was exactly what I had pictured my wedding dress looking like, so why didn't it work out? why? whyyyyy?---prompted me to plan WEDDING WEEKEND II: Planning Extreme. Where I found my actual dress that gives me warm fuzzies. Which I will talk about soon, once I find some more pictures. Be patient.

worst. blogger. ever.

Well in my defense, I didn't blog because I didn't have anything to say...until now. Went home this weekend and achieved more wedding planning in a few days than I have in the last four or five months of being engaged. Thank God for Moms and sisters. They push your ass to achieve.
So let's just make a list, shall we, of things we need to blog about:

1. WE HAVE SIX MONTHS UNTIL THE WEDDING.
I try to keep the swearing to a minimum because there are mothers present but HOLY FUCK, YOU GUYS. SIX MONTHS.

2. I FOUND MY DRESS. And honestly I think that's how I was able to get anything else done because pretty much everything is coordinated to go with the dress and two, we now have something that is expensive that cannot be taken back. This shit is ON, brother.

3. Within like 18 hours of ordering the dress, I decided on my bridesmaid dresses.

4. I have a mock-up of my bridal bouquet in my closet.

5. I made a budget (six months before the wedding! I am the least responsible engaged person ALIVE)

6. I mapped out a bunch of stupid shit like centerpieces and the like.

So, much blogging to be done. Let's go!

peachy won it!

Ebay has been redeemed! After losing the orange dress I was feeling a little defeated, frankly. I didn't want my heart to break again. And I thought, you know, you don't really want an ebay dress, a crazy control freak like you? Something you hadn't even tried on? A dress you've never seen? That would be CRAZINESS.
Then yesterday I found something really really pretty and that sort of went out the window.


So let's see it!



But, okay, this is NOT OFFICIALLY MY WEDDING DRESS. Understand? Mom and sister, don't cry because I bought my wedding dress on ebay. The measurements are a little...wee. The waist measurement is about two inches too small, but it should be fine with a few months of exercise and a nice pair of spanx. The bust measurement is also small, but I could maybe take it out? Or just squeeze and be super busty. So I bid like a madman on a dress that could potentially not fit because love makes us crazy, alright? If it looks like it won't fit over the world's most massive ribcage (mine) I will just resell it on ebay.



It was also lucky because I was in rehearsal when the bidding ended so I had a super massive "maximum bid" waiting in the wings...thanks to the other bidders for giving up!


I'm such a tease! Jesus.



So, without further ado, Dress Option A...there is not B at the moment but still, Option A:

It is made of lace and tulle, it's actually from the fifties, and has boning and accordion pleating...mmmmm.
It is he little ruffle modesty piece is going to go...I'm not big on "modesty."
Seller says it should be here in about a week and then I'll try it on! WHEE!

fantasy favors

I don't know if I've mentioned this on the blog before, but I'm planning two weddings. One is the fabulous Hallowedding you will be attending, orange and brown and black, costumes encouraged, brimming with pumpkins and candy and autumnal goodness.


The other wedding is a made-up wedding where it is not Halloween, it is warm outside, my colors are purple and grey and everything is very chic.
This wedding will not be happening.
I don't regret our wedding date, but it does rule out certain details that don't fit the holiday or the season. Outdoor weddings on October 31st are VERY RISKY in Nebraska, since we've had several Halloweens canceled for snow and few children have known a season where their costumes didn't incorporate a parka. So that's out. Also, nature will deny me lilacs, which are very sentimental to me, and were I to be married in the spring, they'd be frickin' everywhere. In mason jars.

I don't think I'm the only bride who does this. And I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am not the only person who had big elaborate plans for their wedding that they secretly hold in their heart just in case they magically find, oh, several thousand extra dollars to contribute to their wedding. The elaborate, poster sized wedding invitations. The custom made Stephanie James dress. The lighting designer projecting tree branches onto the dance floor (actually I could do this myself, were my venue willing, but I highly doubt they are capable).

And oh, wedding guests, if I had the money, the favors you would get!

Now, let me just say that in my brain, I don't care about favors. They're cute, sure, but if they're missing from a wedding I don't really care. I really liked getting martini glasses from Jen and Jon's wedding, and the individual Jones Soda from Vince and Sarah (yummy AND adorable!) and Brandon and Mura (whose wedding I still need to cover...damn) made donations for their guests. These were all great. We're doing a candy buffet for ours--painfully trendy, yes, but it really fits with it being Halloween and if people leave their favor on their tables then I get lots of candy. Win. Win. Win.
That's my in my brain.

But my heart, Maria, but my heart....

IF I HAD THE MONEY, or if I could somehow cut our guest list down by 100 people and not be torn apart by guilt, I would lurk around ebay for months and give everyone amazing vintage Halloween goodies.
You're kind of lucky I don't have the money, actually, because what I consider amazing vintage Halloween goodies some people consider "Old Crap"
Like the candles! Oh vintage candles! You beautiful waxy sirens.Cupcake picks, which remind me of the cupcakes you get at grocery stores (in a good way) and totally make me swoon. (That sounds like the wedding is getting to my head but you'd be wrong, suckas! I've always gone crazy over useless cupcake decoration. SO THERE)
Or just tiny little pointless plastic toys (which could also go on top of cupcakes!)
But they're averaging about $5 a piece (and I don't think Jesus would forgive spending that much money on stuff most people would throw away) and there's no guarantee I'd be able to find 150+ of any one item so....more pointless longing.

However, I might find some place for these sort of findings if not in the hands of my guests.

(Oh, and if you search "vintage halloween" on ebay you get something that is not vintage, classic, or classy, but still makes my heart ache a little bit with kitschy nostalgia:
HALLOWEEN MCNUGGET BUDDIES!Can you smell that? I think it's the nineties.)

the name debate

Finally, some Hallowedding news! I know, you missed us. We haven't been updating because there has been little/no advancement in wedding planning. Well, a lot of talk and debate but no action. Until about this week, when suddenly, BAM! big decisions were made.

One, we found a VENUE! I know, it’s seven months before the wedding. The Knot has assumed I’ve had this done for months. But as we have said, we were sticklers for having amazing food be an option, and a lot of places just were not cutting it. Also we are terrible, awful procrastinators. So there will be an extended post very soon about that.

But now, let's talk about names.

I've thought about this last name business for a long time people, because let's just be honest here--I've been planning to marry Greg for like five years. Before we were officially dating even. I wasn’t writing “Mrs. Harries” in my underpants or anything, but I kind of assumed I would adopt his last name. I even had a moment of incredible sadness when I realized that I had to give up the name I had always planned for my daughter--Izzy--because then I would have a child named Izzy Harries...which sort of sounds like the question "Is he hairy?" and given my genetic disposition for peach fuzz I just didn't want that for my potential children.

But then, I think last year sometime, or even the year before, people started referring to Greg and I as The Jacksies (a hybrid of our last names). I grew incredibly fond of it. I'm a fan of hybridization in all areas of life and it seemed to really go with our marriage philosophy. As much as we love our families and our heritage, we want our last name to sort of showcase our relationship as a joining of our lives up until this point into something comepletely new. Also, Greg is sick of being called "Harris." And I am sick of that damn Outkast song.

Fuck those guys.
So for a while, our plan was to be The Jacksies.
Then we actually got engaged. And when you get engaged, those cutesie little plans for what you're going to do start to gain actual significance. Greg thought about it, and he decided "Jacksies" was a little too cutesy sounding. He suggested "Harkson." I thought Harkson sounded like a WASP name, and told him so. Then he was searching Urban Dictionary one day at work and discovered that a "Jacksie" was a cockney term for "ass."
That just wouldn't do. Damn cockneys!
So we talked and talked and talked. We debated. We fought. We polled our friends and families. We brainstormed completely new names--my personal favorites were alucarD (spelled exactly that way), Vector, or Velociraptor. (Even now, as we’ve found a solution, I'm still pretty fond of Velociraptor.)
But tonight, at rehearsal, on a whim, I labeled my waterbottle as "jaxies"...and Greg. Went. Crazy. He's all for it. The 'X' fixes the cutesy problem and I still get my totally cute name. And being a homonym for cockney ass is not quite as bad as being cockney ass. Our friend Sean suggested "Jaxeez" to up our scrabble potential but we kindly turned him down.

So what do you think? It's a little pretentious but meh, so are we.

So as of this moment, assuming we still think it’s acceptable after sleeping on it for a night (or a month), Shannon Jackson will marry Greg Harries and they will become Greg and Shannon Jaxies.



We’re such nerds. We’re gonna be sooooo happy.

dang nabbit!

I have been skulking around ebay lately, looking at the pretty dresses. I've bid on a handlful of dresses that are NOT wedding, at all:And this one, which is too springy for a Hallowedding but still super cute:
But I did some SERIOUS bidding on this dress, thinking that it would be a fantastic reception dress. But damn me, I had a show this afternoon and couldn't sit at the computer, and they beat me BY A DOLLAR. Ebay you break my heart.
Look how orange!Petticoats!

I think I will continue down this path, but I also think I'll be a more defensive bidder. That orange dress going to someone else makes me sad. Especially for fifty one damn dollars.

other people's weddings

Oh my goodness. "A Lull in Traffic"? More like a complete halt to traffic. A seven car pile up. I was REALLY busy for a while there...and, let's face it, a little burned out on life in general.
(I know what you're thinking...you're burned out NOW? You haven't even begun to be stressed little bride girl.) And I was going to post yesterday but then the phone rang and I had to spend the last twenty four hours stressing out and opening a one woman show at UNO (showing again on Sunday and Friday, ifyouwanttocome) but now we are back to regular programing and posting and planning with almost psychotic enthusiasm.
Why this burst of enthusiasm?
Well, one, our wedding is in eight months. So if I'm not planning now I'm a fucking idiot.
Two, I bought a new, much less intimidating and far more useful wedding planner, with all sorts of lovely checklists and blanks that I want to fill in.
Three, I went to a wedding today.
Which is the point of this post.Vince and Sarah (shown above in a promotional shot for their show Grimm Reapings...theatre people have the best pictures) are good friends of Greg, and kind of good friends of mine. I mean, I work with them a lot in theatre, and I enjoy them a lot, but I didn't consider their wedding "A Big Deal" for me. Not as big as say my sister's, or Jen and Jon's. Casual friends, you know. But it was kind of exciting because they have been dating a LONG time, longer than any other wedding I have ever been to...and, you know, I haven't been to a wedding since I got engaged. And once you're engaged things like weddings aren't just fun social events, they are business. And a great place to spy.
Well. We were a pinch late, so we rushed in and grabbed a seat right by the door right before the familial processional. I only had a second to look at the program and take off my coat before it was the groom took his place.
As soon as Vince stood in the front, I started crying.
Crying!
Oh my god. And when Sarah came in in her dress I done. Tears for the entire ceremony. It was ridiculous. At my sister's wedding I made it almost to the end, at Jen's I think I made it to the vows? And here were two people who I'm not incredibly tied to, and I'm sniffling and staring at the ceiling and basically being a Big. Old. Wuss.

I know exactly why this is.

I blame the ring, really.

Whereas previously I would've felt intense pride for Vince and Sarah for making this commitment, and touched that Vince's dad was their officiant, and honored to be present...but no. Now that I'm engaged, this is what was going through my head:
"They're getting MARRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIED! Her dress is so PRETTYYYYYYYY! I am also getting MARRIIIIIIIIIIIIED! I will also get a pretty dress!!!" And then, tears.
I have at least three weddings to attend before my own...this could get intense you guys.

A Lull in Traffic

Sorry for the lag in posts, we've hit a bit of a wall in our lives. Shannon's got six different theatre projects going at the moment, I've got four of my own, one of them being the direction of my mainstage debut with a world premiere play at the New Ways/New Works festival at UNO. I've got a great cast and it's going incredibly well, but it is a drain on the ol' time banks.

Anyhow, we're getting very close to having a confirmed venue for the reception, with it being down to just a couple of options at the moment. It'll just be a matter of prioritizing and budget from here on out, but neither of us are level-headed enough given our current schedules to make that commitment. We will have a location by the end of the month and that's when we'll be spreading our truly phenomenal STDs. HA! Also, this blog will be moving to the true Hallowedding website, so RSVPs can start flowing in and we can start our registry and all of that business.

So while we haven't posted in a bit, the gears are still turning. They just aren't very interesting to watch. To make it up to you, here's a desktop background I made out of history's most ridiculous event. Call it a gift. It's optimized for widescreen monitors, but it'll do on the others in a pinch. Click through the link to get to the full size version. Take care!